February 3, 2009

• My friend, Heidi, sent me some choice quotes from various comedians; here are my particular favorites:

  "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
  --Conan O'Brien

  "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
  --Warren Hutcherson

  "I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
  --Elayne Boosler

  "The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little
  Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.'"
  --Jerry Seinfeld

  • 11:45 pm
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