May 3, 2006

  • CNN has a rather low setting for what constitutes "news" deserving of the Breaking News! banner at the top of their news site. 

    Tiger Woods' father died.  Now, this is certainly a pity, as even I have gleaned over the years that Earl Woods and his son, Tiger, were very close, but still.....what makes the death of the father of a pro-golfer to be classified as news?  If Tiger himself had died, well, okay.  That might conceivably warrant a News Alert!  Might.

    Don't really think so, of course.  It should be reported, naturally, but let's face it, a golfer dying is not quite on a par (a PAR? Get it?) with a vice-president or someone like that.  However, this isn't even the golfer, it's the golfer's parent. 

    Speaking of news alerts, how about that same site's thrilling warning of: 

    U.S.: Flu pandemic could be worse than terrorist attack

    Wow.  Obviously that'd be bad, that would.

    It occurs to me a supervolcano suddenly exploding from under Las Vegas might be worse than a terrorist attack, too.  Or the long-promised Big One which would cause California to fall into the Pacific.  Not to mention a meteor slamming into Kansas City.  Or Godzilla!  Yes!  Imagine Godzilla rising from the ocean and coming ashore to inflict mayhem and worse on Staten Island, then moving west?  Panic in the streets!  Stay tuned for updates on your local news channel!

    Come to think of it, there was a movie awhile back about some aliens attacking Earth, and mercy Maud, that beat the socks off any terrorist attack, let me tell you.

    Okay, y'all have doubtless twigged to the fact my point is there are, in fact, quite a few possible scenarios with the potential of out-terroring a terrorist attack, so why blurt this particular one all over the news as if it's HERE and HAPPENING?  As the article hastened to add: "White House officials say there is no need for alarm, given that a
    pandemic doesn't exist and so far, there's no evidence of easy
    human-to-human transmission of avian flu and its deadly H5N1 strain."

    Well, if there's no need for alarm, why try to alarm us? 

Comments (4)

  • Well, if you believe in the butterfly effect, my walking into the kitchen and stirring the soup I've started could be worse than a terrorist attack.

    So yeah, "Could bes" aren't news. Anything "could be" anything.

  • I wrote a letter to my highschool's newspaper, criticizing their poor journalism-- but if this is what they're trying to emulate, they're doing a good job!

  • You know what I love? Action News reporters!  They take the cake!  When investigating people for "wrongs against the community" they'll go to said persons home to harass them there....and say, "we tried to contact Mr. So and So about the suspected library book theft but he wasn't answering his door" and then, just to show you they actually did, they have a clip of the reporter knocking on the door and calling out in an authoritave bark....and that's it!  Yay for cutting edge news! hahahahahahaha

  • My favorite "news" category is on the evolution front.  I always count the times phrases like "might be," "could be," "it is thought," "experts speculate," "possibly" and their ilk appear whenever a new old bone is found.  

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